(Kind Of) Cliff Crisis
Dadaism stood far above where anyone could reach him, swaying dangerously in the sudden and violent winds that rose up from the canyon below. Pragmatism had given up, Geology had wandered off, but Surrealism anxiously watched his unstable mentor. Existentialism walked up behind him, laying a bracing hand on his shoulder.
“He’ll come down,” Existentialism said, “Stop worrying so much. At the end of the day, he’ll be fine and you’ll have an ulcer.”
Surrealism nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat and walking away. Sure now that he was alone, Existentialism walked directly up to the perilously perched Dadaism and shoved him, one-handed, back onto safe ground. Dadaism laughed and glared in succession.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Unsavory Memo
Unsavory Memo
Vegetarianism wasn’t skinny, and once she wrote this:
“I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur of anything in particular, though the thought does occur to me that maybe I can be picky. I hope to have the thing to eat and drink that is uniquely right for the time and place that I am eating or drinking that thing.
Therefore, I’m a little chunky. I mean, most often something delicious is called for, and delicious is fat. Of course, the problem is the fart residual, the amount of fat that is stored in the body.”
Veganism broke up with her when she put it on the fridge, mainly because the phrase “fart residual” both baffled and saddened her.
Vegetarianism wasn’t skinny, and once she wrote this:
“I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur of anything in particular, though the thought does occur to me that maybe I can be picky. I hope to have the thing to eat and drink that is uniquely right for the time and place that I am eating or drinking that thing.
Therefore, I’m a little chunky. I mean, most often something delicious is called for, and delicious is fat. Of course, the problem is the fart residual, the amount of fat that is stored in the body.”
Veganism broke up with her when she put it on the fridge, mainly because the phrase “fart residual” both baffled and saddened her.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Male-ish Bonding
Male-ish Bonding
When Intellectualism stormed away from Conservatism, Daoism felt he could help. The only reason he didn’t was that he simply was never going to. A man may be strong enough to jump in the midst of crocodiles and manage to wrestle one down, but if he had any sense he would keep his feet on the ground. Silently, Pragmatism walked up behind Daoism, putting a hand on his shoulder in silent agreement and pouring him another cup of wine.
When Intellectualism stormed away from Conservatism, Daoism felt he could help. The only reason he didn’t was that he simply was never going to. A man may be strong enough to jump in the midst of crocodiles and manage to wrestle one down, but if he had any sense he would keep his feet on the ground. Silently, Pragmatism walked up behind Daoism, putting a hand on his shoulder in silent agreement and pouring him another cup of wine.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Nihilism Walks Through Nowhere
Nihilism Walks Through Nowhere
A dusty road he would have never imagined his mismatched shoes gracing stretched before him like fate, another thing he knew didn’t matter. He didn’t believe, period, but he did remember. The crater stood in the same place dozens had fled from years ago. Nihilism had been mayor here in his teens, after all. He was so young. Not one to fall into the black pit of nostalgia, he walked on.
A dusty road he would have never imagined his mismatched shoes gracing stretched before him like fate, another thing he knew didn’t matter. He didn’t believe, period, but he did remember. The crater stood in the same place dozens had fled from years ago. Nihilism had been mayor here in his teens, after all. He was so young. Not one to fall into the black pit of nostalgia, he walked on.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dadaism Seizes the Narrative
Dadaism Seizes the Narrative
Hedonism lit more cigarettes than usual. Existentialism understood. He, too, could wait until the tense midmorning left him.
He felt like an asshole.
He felt like a winner.
He wasn't at home.
“You see how I can use Intellectualism to completely hijack a story line?”
Pragmatism frowned, “Great job, Dadaism, but you’re the only one amused.”
A grin painted onto a dirty canvas was Dadaism’s face: “Logic. Two things constructed the same must be similar to each other in some respect. Amused rhymes with confused.”
Pragmatism considered playing along to end it, something about Dadaism needing to become “disabused” of his obnoxious ideas, but inevitably took the simpler route. He called Geology for a ride home.
Hedonism lit more cigarettes than usual. Existentialism understood. He, too, could wait until the tense midmorning left him.
He felt like an asshole.
He felt like a winner.
He wasn't at home.
“You see how I can use Intellectualism to completely hijack a story line?”
Pragmatism frowned, “Great job, Dadaism, but you’re the only one amused.”
A grin painted onto a dirty canvas was Dadaism’s face: “Logic. Two things constructed the same must be similar to each other in some respect. Amused rhymes with confused.”
Pragmatism considered playing along to end it, something about Dadaism needing to become “disabused” of his obnoxious ideas, but inevitably took the simpler route. He called Geology for a ride home.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Introduction to the Utilitarian Children
Ideal Utilitarianism—concerned solely with maximizing intrinsic goods
Hedonistic Utilitarianism—concerned with maximizing happiness
Introduction to the Utilitarian Children
Ideal Utilitarianism’s face darkened as he saw his sister, Hedonistic
Utilitarianism, heavily munching on the free snacks in the grocery store.
“Hedonistic Utilitarianism,” he greeted coldly, jostling his shoulder. Smirking, she turned to him.
“What did I do now?”
“You threw out my paintings.”
“They were ugly.”
“They were Art!”
“Ugly art has no use. My side of the apartment is my side. I didn’t want to look at them. Do I need to call mom?”
Always with that annoying face, that infuriating staccato way of imposing speech. Ideal Utilitarianism was so frustrated and imposed upon, he considered moving in with Optimism, even though he knew he couldn't leave his sister unattended.
Hedonistic Utilitarianism—concerned with maximizing happiness
Introduction to the Utilitarian Children
Ideal Utilitarianism’s face darkened as he saw his sister, Hedonistic
Utilitarianism, heavily munching on the free snacks in the grocery store.
“Hedonistic Utilitarianism,” he greeted coldly, jostling his shoulder. Smirking, she turned to him.
“What did I do now?”
“You threw out my paintings.”
“They were ugly.”
“They were Art!”
“Ugly art has no use. My side of the apartment is my side. I didn’t want to look at them. Do I need to call mom?”
Always with that annoying face, that infuriating staccato way of imposing speech. Ideal Utilitarianism was so frustrated and imposed upon, he considered moving in with Optimism, even though he knew he couldn't leave his sister unattended.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Lifelong Friends
Cast:
Suicidology-- the study of suicide
Thanatology—the study of death
Lifelong Friends
Whenever Suicidology received a phone call, someone’s day was not going as planned. She knew off-the-way dive bars, however, where she could meet Thanatology and they could talk, even laugh, about their days. Still, they weren’t welcome guests in the bright center of social life, instead forced to be content with the periphery until someone famous met a grisly end. They had prepared, however, for celebrity death; both had keys to a secluded cabin. A man may want a drink of water, but he rarely asks to be thrown over a waterfall.
Suicidology-- the study of suicide
Thanatology—the study of death
Lifelong Friends
Whenever Suicidology received a phone call, someone’s day was not going as planned. She knew off-the-way dive bars, however, where she could meet Thanatology and they could talk, even laugh, about their days. Still, they weren’t welcome guests in the bright center of social life, instead forced to be content with the periphery until someone famous met a grisly end. They had prepared, however, for celebrity death; both had keys to a secluded cabin. A man may want a drink of water, but he rarely asks to be thrown over a waterfall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
