Bromatology's Picnic

Cast:

Bromatology—the study of food

Geology—study of the Earth’s crust

Psychology—study of the mind

Veganism—the belief in excluding all animal products from the individual’s diet

Vegetarianism—the belief in excluding all or most animal flesh from the diet, but often accepting the consumption of milk, egg or fish ingredients

Bromotology’s Picnic

The picnic tables were lined with checkered tablecloths, and each seat held someone who was both hungry and excited. Geology, for once, was glad he had been dragged out by Psychology, even if she insisted on making bets on whatever she could with him. Bromatology, with the help of his assistants, set forth the feast he had cooked up. As he passed by the publicly affectionate Vegetarianism and Veganism, Veganism snatched the crisp, white material of Bromatology’s jacket. Psychology roughly patted Geology’s upper arm, directing him to watch; one of their bets involved the happy lesbians.

“What can we eat?” asked Veganism, content to take the lead in this situation. Vegetarianism smiled loopily at her.

“Everything!” shouted Bromatology, spreading his arms wide across the table. Their smiles faded.

“What is vegetarian and vegan?” asked Vegetarianism, calmer than her girlfriend.

“Oh, ladies, ladies, walk with me,” Bromatology led the couple across the lawn,

“Walk and tell me why you would limit your food choices in such a tragic way?”

After a four-handed push, the expansive backside of Bromatology lie bruised on the lawn. Vegetarianism and Veganism stormed away, and grudgingly Geology handed over a small amount of money to a smug Psychology.